Last year I would blackout
However- I thought it was "fun"
All my friends did it.
I have made so many mistakes and said/ have done so many STUPID things because of this...
Every Sunday after a weekend (Thursday, Friday, Saturday...) of blacking out I would usually get really depressed.
This summer I have really been trying to stop- the problem is, I don't even know how to casually drink.
When we go out and start taking shots, I usually don't know how to turn them down and the next thing I know, it's the next morning...
This year I really don't even go out that much.
I can count on my one hand how many times this year I've even had alcohol, however- there are still instances where I can't recall the night...
I am going to use this to try to keep track of my "drinking" to see how I can learn to STOP
I did great this weekend. The weekend before I got too drunk on Saturday and have been depressed all week about it. I don’t even know the conversation I had with someone and I can’t even imagine the things I must have said…
This weekend I didn’t even drink Saturday during “tailgate” and only had a few at night. I remember every detail of the whole weekend.
Friday night I went out because I had friends from California and Chicago in town, but didn’t drink at all because I had to student teach the next morning.
EVERYONE IS SO ANNOYING AT THE BAR
I was having anxiety, I was getting pushed into, stepped on, and drinks poured on because I was just standing there.
I couldn’t talk to anyone because everyone was drunk.
How did I do this last year?
I couldn’t fall asleep Friday night because everytime I was offered a shot I would get a diet coke instead, I was like shaking in my bed until 5:30 AM on and had to wake up at 7 to teach. That was fun.
Usually the next day after a day of drinking a lot of things go through my head. I am always pretty upset and try to piece together a lot of things, but suprise- can’t. Here are things I wrote down which are reasons for creating this blog.
- I wish I could REDO that
- WHY do you do this to yourself
- I’m sad
- Didn’t mean to say that
- Did I really do/ say that?
- Wish I could have done things differently
- I’m worried
- Passed out
- “I’m Sorry”
- I don’t remember
- One more chance…
- Not fair
- Missed opportunities
- “i’m not usually like that”
- bad choices…
- “How did I get home?”