Not too late...

Last year I would blackout a lot...

However- I thought it was "fun"

All my friends did it.

I have made so many mistakes and said/ have done so many STUPID things because of this...

Every Sunday after a weekend (Thursday, Friday, Saturday...) of blacking out I would usually get really depressed.

This summer I have really been trying to stop- the problem is, I don't even know how to casually drink.

When we go out and start taking shots, I usually don't know how to turn them down and the next thing I know, it's the next morning...

This year I really don't even go out that much.

I can count on my one hand how many times this year I've even had alcohol, however- there are still instances where I can't recall the night...

I am going to use this to try to keep track of my "drinking" to see how I can learn to STOP

 

Mon Oct 15

Homecoming

I did great this weekend. The weekend before I got too drunk on Saturday and have been depressed all week about it. I don’t even know the conversation I had with someone and I can’t even imagine the things I must have said…

 This weekend I didn’t even drink Saturday during “tailgate” and  only had a few at night. I remember every detail of the whole weekend.

Friday night I went out because I had friends from California and Chicago in town, but didn’t drink at all because I had to student teach the next morning.

EVERYONE IS SO ANNOYING AT THE BAR

I was having anxiety, I was getting pushed into, stepped on, and drinks poured on because I was just standing there.

I couldn’t talk to anyone because everyone was drunk.

How did I do this last year?

I couldn’t fall asleep Friday night because everytime I was offered a shot I would get a diet coke instead, I was like shaking in my bed until 5:30 AM on and had to wake up at 7 to teach. That was fun.

Stupid caffine. 

Why I want to stop drinking

Usually the next day after a day of drinking a lot of things go through my head.  I am always pretty upset and try to piece together a lot of things, but suprise- can’t. Here are things I wrote down which are reasons for creating this blog.

  • EMBARESSMENT
  • I wish I could REDO that
  • WHY do you do this to yourself
  • HANGOVER
  • regret
  • I’m sad
  • Didn’t mean to say that
  • Did I really do/ say that?
  • Wish I could have done things differently
  • Depression
  • I’m worried
  • Passed out
  • WHAT
  • “I’m Sorry”
  • BROKEN
  • bombed
  • shots
  • I don’t remember
  • Blurry
  • One more chance…
  • Not fair
  • Missed opportunities
  • “i’m not usually like that”
  • bad choices…
  • “How did I get home?” 
Binge Drinking